Just do it

March 8th

2011-03-22T19:42:00.001-07:00

Was the beginning of my new life. The life of better shit. So, its been 2 weeks since that all important day and I will fill you in on it.

On March 8th, I was laid-off from work. That first week of unemployment was probably the best week of my life since I got back from New York. Probably one of the best weeks, period. It was on the surface, quite a wonderful job. With the title of graphic designer, I was paid more then minimum wage, I could sit all day on my butt, I could take long lunch breaks, and in general, my boss was pretty alright...But underneath it all, I was in denial. I was unhappy. The hours were long, grueling, and literally sucked the life out of me. It ranged from too much work, to boring, to painfully boring. It was more painfully boring then anything. I got headaches from staring at the screen all day, back aches from bending towards the computer and butt aches from sitting on my ass for hours on end. And all in all, I'm not even proud of the work I did there. My boss, though a nice guy, never gave me proper deadlines, which lead me to rushing through the whole thing at the end and making huge mistakes. Actually, I was somewhat disturbed by how things were being run there. Though I'm hardly an expert, I know that when redesigning anything, it takes more then just a quick check for it to go into production because if there is one mistake, the whole batch goes to waste. I am responsible for my work, but really, its not my fault that you rushed into production without the proper checks. I firmly believe that I am not at fault. Anyways. I HATED WORKING THERE AND THANK GOD ITS OVER.

My pride is worth more then the work I did there and now I can actually concentrate on making beautiful things for myself and those who appreciate it and not for consumers and my boss who choose big ugly text over composition and beautiful design. I've started sketching more and though its not all great stuff, its still stuff. I'm also taking figure drawing classes again and its really helping get back into drawing.

I just finished applying to college as well, so that's off my chest. I just have fafsa to complete, scholarships to apply for, and summer to plan. It has been fairly relaxed aside from the bumps in life that I hope soon will smooth out. I also recently got a new job as a waitress in downtown Little Tokyo! Some would call this a step down, but for me, its definitely a step up! I get to move around, I get to talk to people, and its in such a nice area. My old job was located within the warehouse district and it was so gloomy and there were days when I use to look outside into the blue sky and clouds outside from my window...It was depressing. But now I get to work in cute Little Tokyo! The metro also stops right in front of where I work, so no more traffic!

So my classes are as follows: French 1, German 3, Figure Drawing 2, Art History 2. :3 French is driving me nuts because I can't pronounce anything and its always hard learning a new language. XD All in all, my classes are alright, but I can't wait to go to college!! EEEE. German is still crazy hard...Lol. As it should be I guess...

Anyways. I'm still working through life...Still things here and there that are troubling me, but I feel so much better about myself now. I still cannot guarantee new posts, but I will try!

Feel Good

2011-02-13T13:04:00.000-08:00

I started spring session last week and I'm so excited. I'm actually taking French, which I wasn't really serious about until now! The teacher is really good and I'm also taking figure drawing. I'm so ready to go again though! I only have it once and week and its not enough. I'm also working part-time now and it makes me feel a lot better then before. Its definitely a good job, but I don't think I'm ready for a full-time job. I do not feel skilled enough to work to my fullest potential.

Anyways. I'm pretty happy about my courses despite being at community college. It doesn't matter where you go as long as you keep learning! :>

I have been drawing a little more frequently since going part-time and when I finally stop being lazy, I will scan and post. :>

FFFFF

2010-12-06T11:26:00.000-08:00

So I've finally registered for classes! Here's my schedule so far.

I'm not sure about taking French... I might drop the class if I'm too busy, but I think I can do it!

And so, I was thinking about applying to FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology), but it turns out, they practically don't accept transfer credits and are not flexible at all about taking classes outside of your major. And they are really bad at answering questions. -___- So, I have to basically decide if I want to go into design (3 years) or illustration (4 years). So sad...So sad...

Success!!

2010-11-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not a photographer. But unfortunately my boss makes me do photography for work every once in a while....More often than I like, but for once this wasn't such a tragic failure. I'm actually really proud of some of the photos I took. DD: Here are the best of the bunch after a little editing.

Baking and photography

2010-11-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

There are some really pretty food photographs on this blog with recipes!

Whoops

2010-11-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I actually drew something yesterday and forgot to scan it. I'm trying so haaaard. I scribbled out a lot of stuff, but only maybe 2 scribbles really look any good. I think I'm lacking...Inspiration. I was looking back at some old sketches and even though I know I can draw better now....Everything just looks better before. So much energy! Passion! Care! It's kind of disappointing. I'm trying so hard to get back into stuff, like Harry Potter...Unfortunately, I'm a lot more picky with the fics I read nowadays... Its as if all the good fics just...Disappeared. Any dang ways, I know I have some seasons of Avatar somewhere, so I will get myself into that. >_>

So me and my bf are on a free dessert streak. We've gotten free dessert 5 times within this year and I've never gotten free dessert prior to this year before. Well not that I can remember. I believe this is free dessert year? Here's my list:

1) Some burger joint in NY. My friends and I got free dessert because we spend over a certain amount.
2) Shinsengumi: My bf and I got free dessert because something was up with the freezer and the ice cream melted. On the house baby.
3) Steak N' Stein: It was our first time there, so we got...I think free ice cream?
4) Daisy Mint: My friend had unfortunately witnessed an angry customer being unreasonably angry with the manager of the place. The manager felt bad and gave our group some free cake.
5) Cafe Beaujolais: They accidentally charged us for two desserts instead of one, so we got our creme brulee on the house!

All this within 2010. Ohohohoo...

What a mess

2010-11-21T01:33:00.000-08:00

I'm a messssss. Such a messsss. He'll never be satisfied and neither will I.

Sherlock Holmes: Watched the movie, watched the BBC series and bought the first volume.

I haven't drawn a single thing. What will I do?

Ouch. Pimples.

Cleaned my room, but there's still lots of stuff to organize...

Amazing

2010-11-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend showed me this last night: Here

Very inspiring and interesting webcomic. If you have time or better yet nothing to do, read it.

As for my little trip so far, its been overall great. Was in New York for about 4 days and made my way to Rhode Island yesterday. The bus ride overall was good without many hiccups and the weather was beaauuuutiful. Today not so much, but the scenery is always great. I'm sitting in Starbucks and so far, I'm still horribly confused as to what I'm doing with my life. Haha. Its like I know what I want to do, but I don't. This is the problem with having options, you never know if you're making the right choose. Hahaha... I'm heavily considering not going to work on Wednesday, so that I may sort myself out. All I can do is try my best.

This experience was very refreshing and in many ways inspiring. : )

I've also developed a thing for shoes. Its been ongoing and very expensive. Hahah!! But in many ways I love it. I'm starting to have a thing for expensive tastes, courtesy of my boyfriend (clothes, shoes, and just looking good) and the food network. I order my meat medium-medium rare and actually can tell the difference between good and bad. I've also decided to stop being such a money hogger. I need to save money according to what I need, not just for the hell of it because I get guilty. So my goal is $4000-$5000 savings to travel and enough money to pay my loans and that's it! The rest will go to whatever I want! I love treating my friends out to eat. So I will do that and have lots of yums! And buy all the shoes and clothes and make up I waaaant! Well in reality, I'm not much of a fashion person, but I do have low self-confidence and dressing nice makes me feel better about myself...So this is what I'm working towards...Haha.

I remember my friend asking me what I loved doing after I told him of my troubles and I have to say, I was at a lost of what to say. I guess I was so down that I couldn't realize what I liked anymore. But after being refreshed, I can say that I love: Feeling good about how I look, good food!, art and design, cute cafes!, hiking (new addition) and loads of other stuff! I feel good.

Plans!

2010-11-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

So on Tuesday, I made a split second decision to buy a ticket to NY. I was planning to go to NY about a month ago, but decided there was no rush and that I would go in January, but then I figured out that I wouldn't have time in January due to school. BUT THEN (here's the kicker) I realized that the chances of me actually getting a class during winter session is practically at 0.0%. This is a couple of hours after I bought my tickets. Real smooth right?

Anyways, I actually don't mind. Its nice to take a little break and get my portfolio stuff reviewed early. Actually, I called SVA admissions yesterday and they told me they wouldn't be doing tours for the only day I could do a tour for my department. >_> And then I asked to set up a portfolio review and they were like, "We don't do portfolio reviews until after the 16th." And I was like....."DDD:". But never give up I say! I sent 2 E-mails to the counselors and got a reply back. So thank god for hope and persistence! I got a portfolio review right on the day I was hoping for!

RISD, unfortunately, doesn't have on campus portfolio reviews, but I'm still going in for the undergraduate information session.

I also get to visit all my frieeeends!! :>

Sometimes I just want to get away

2010-11-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

Not to be a downer post or anything, but it is what it is. I don't know what's eating away at me. Is it the lack of interest in my job? The lack of an education. The lack of comfort in my own home? Other people's problems? My own dwindling self confidence or perhaps the lack of inspiration. Talent even. I've just been feeling really worthless and self-loathing. Sometimes I blame it on the PSM, but sometimes, I don't even have that to blame it on. I'm depressed because I can't get over all the little things bothering me. I try and it does work sometimes, but I'm so easily put down. I'm proud of the things I've done in the past and proud of the things that I have to look forward to, but I'm just having such a hard time getting over that hump called present. Its really affecting everything about me. I think I'm a meaner person and I'm more easily hurt. I feel bad and I guess I make other people feel bad. My life doesn't seem to fit into other people's anymore. I know, I'm just going through a really hard time and I know it will pass. Just lately, I feel like I have to get through it on my own this time. I can't seem to find the comfort I need and those who were there for me are not. Its been more and more so every year. I can deal with it though. Its just that, I wish people would understand what I'm going through and know that I need space and I don't want to be scolded. Ah. Its so hard to explain what's going on in my head. I feel like such a teenager. Dammit. I'm really really stupid. I did it to myself. Anyways. My new room stinks of wood polisher and I've got a sensitive nose.

Oh ow

2010-11-01T09:16:00.001-07:00

I keep wanting to post, but I never seem to have the time... :'(

So happy belated Halloween!!! Surprisingly enough, I actually went out for Halloween, even though I wasn't feeling too up to it. We were going to go to this little jazz cafe in downtown, but it didn't seem cool enough, so we hit up the annual Halloween Carnavel (I dunno why it was spelled like that). I made the unfortunately mistake of wearing like four inch heels. T_T Since there were tons of people going to this shindig, we had to walk about 15-20 minutes from where we parked. It was fun buns though. There were lots of costumes to look at and lots of drag queens. I love drag queens. Yep. We ended up going to Rage (gay club) and danced for a couple of hours. I happen to run into a friend there. Haha. Such a coincidence. Aside from having my foot stepped on 3 times in the same spot and my heals tearing up my little feets, it was fun and really hot. It was actually probably the best club I've been to so far in the US. Yeeeeep.

Packaging design!

2010-10-26T15:06:00.001-07:00

I swear. I just go nuts for this stuff. This is such an awesome blog! Whenever I've got nothing to do at work or am lacking ideas, these are one of the places I hit up. Lots of really super cool shit here guys.

And as much as I hate inbreeding animals for human entertainment purposes...Golden tabby tigers look so fucking bad ass.

2010-10-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

Some doodles I had lying around...And a figure drawing piece that I forgot in the last post.

YEEEEEEEAHHHHHH

2010-10-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Changed up the look for my blog and now I'm posting art. I will probably post another one later today.

In the past, I really loved using soft charcoal sticks to figure drawing, but yesterday, I had a revelation! Charcoal pencils are great!

yeh

2009-11-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

hey. been gone for a while now...been busy but not really... so 2 and a half months later contains some interesting things.
septempber: hated school
october: starting to come to terms with it
november: mixed feelings

anywas, here's some stuff for you guys. both were done for my lab class though there is no real assignment behind them since that class is a huge pile of bull. the first one is crosspost from dev and the last one is an updated version.

so sorry

2009-08-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

yeh. sorry about like...never posting. haha. summer has been busy since i got back from germany and then there's the move to new york for school. since school is starting, i will hopefully have lots of cool stuff to post...here's something i did today. really quick and really messy.

christ

2009-05-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

i've been working on this forever and this is all i've got to show.

anyways, been painting my shoes too. its a little too much isn't it...?

just added a background

2009-05-19T08:34:00.001-07:00

but i ain't gots nothing else to show you. D: damn you animes...get out of my head!

fanart because i like it

2009-05-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

killua from hunterxhunter. i love that anims. D:

final piece

2009-05-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

his name is jules

these kids

2009-05-13T12:42:00.001-07:00

just a thought in my head. experimental colors.

whoops

2009-05-12T08:29:00.001-07:00

forgot about my art blog...lol...i had a painting i was doing, but i dunno if i saved it or not before my computer died. hmm...

yeeech

2009-04-27T09:44:00.001-07:00

still drawing and stuff...a portrait i started but i don't know if i'm going to finish...because...i'm sort of tired of portraits, but on the other hand i should really practice...

amsterdam

2009-04-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

probably the most charming and beautiful city i've been in. everything about it makes my heart positively flutter...

really, the pictures i took do no justice at all. its one of those cities where you have to be there. its so hard to describe really...the atmosphere was just so calming and chill. people where sitting outside of their houses and on their window sills just reading and chilling and chatting. even the animals seem really chill...

it was sunny and warm that day and full of people from everywhere. i could hear british and american english, chinese, japanese, korean, niederlandish, german, italian, spanish, french...everything! it was a million kinds of awesome. and hearing all these different languages, which made people watching amazingly more fun then usual. sometimes i would watch some people and try to guess what language they spoke. the amount of tourists was crazy. it was totally packed and i didn't feel like such a loser for being a tourist. haha.

also, what i really loved was that everyone used bikes. bikes where literally EVERYWHERE. there was like a parking structure just filled with thousands of bikes. and you can get everywhere with bike or walking. like in koeln, you have to take the train and it takes like forever to walk places, but in amsterdam, everywhere you go, theres always something interesting and ack. you can just walk/bike everywhere. amazing.

the scenery is GORGEOUS. the houses in central amsterdam. omg. i loved them. laskfjlaksjdlf. and the rivers and bridges and boats and bikes and shops and cafes and EVERYTHING. omggggg.

fug dis shet

2009-04-03T06:09:00.001-07:00

hey yall. bottom 2 inspired by this blog check it out
drawn up with marker and white out...and some figure drawing down there...yech.

figure drawing

2009-03-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

so i discovered that a friend of mine was taking a figure drawing class and i decided to tag along. its been so long! anyways, here's some of the stuff i did yesterday.

sigh

2009-03-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

maybe it was a bad time to start this daily drawing thing. i'm sort of stressed at the moment...

sorrysorrysorrysorry

2009-03-20T03:53:00.000-07:00

hey dolls. i'm totally messing up on this daily sketch thing. I'LL DO IT. I'LL DO IT. I'LL DO IT. I'LL DO IT.I'LL DO IT.I'LL DO IT.I'LL DO IT. lemme just get my college stuff together...

oh no

2009-03-15T04:16:00.000-07:00

posting everyday is so haaard. aaaaah.
well heres what i've been working on anyways. its a gift for this lady who sponsered my exchange to germany. its like once of the worst paintings ive ever done...lol...damn acrylics...i copied it from this photograph i found on deviantart...um...props to whoever it belongs to...though i did ditch the photograph after a while because my painting was looking horrible and just ended up painting most of it over from my head.

uhh...

2009-03-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

ok fine. i haven't forgotten...i'm tired...i'll post something really super tomorrow! hopefully...

well now [edit[

2009-03-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

so yesterday i was like "ok i gotta post something" and then...i didn't. how does that happen??? my brain only wants to post every other day it seems. well anyways, i was doing another portrait yesterday and was going to post that but when i returned to my computer today...it was off, which is weird because i almost never turn my computer off...so whatever i've been doing that wasn't saved it gone...rats....well heres the other portrait i touched up...its all i've got at the moment..
actually. here's something i did today. will hopefully continue tomorrow if i don't feel too discouraged..

oh no

2009-03-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

so as i was lying in bed last night trying to sleep despite the fact that it was 9 (in which i proceeded to lie awake in bed until around 12) i remembered. I DIDN'T POST ANY ART. but my body refused to get up. so i have failed myself once more. BUT REALLY YOU ONLY FAIL IF YOU DON'T KEEP ON TRYING AMIRITE???? here's something i've started...SORRY ABOUT ALL THE PORTRAITS, I KNOW THEY'RE BORING TO LOOK AT AND ALL BUT GUESS WHAT? TOO BAD. LOL.

anyways. this blogger business confuses me. i don't understand how to use it. ITS NOT INTUITIVE. i'm on a caps rampage. anyways, someone comment below and i've decided to reply in this poooost.

"how long have you been drawing, and what medium did you use for the realistic ones?"

darling, i've been drawing for years and years and years. let's just say i started at 4 and went on from there and i use photoshop for the realistic drawings. rock on buddy.

portraits GALORE

2009-03-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

ah the strokes...best band EVER. (er..one of the best bands ever anyways) the last pic i actually did yesterday, but touched up today. got lazy on the first...eh...

heeeey

2009-03-07T14:24:00.001-08:00

WELL CRAP

2009-03-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

i forgot to post yesterday. HAHAHAHA. LAME.
but to make up for it i worked extra hard today.

so i realized that i haven't done any realistic art in a really long long time, so i gave it a go and fail miserably on my first try (the second pic) i've seem to have lost my ability to draw accurately...anyways, i gave it another go and fair somewhat better (second pic)

got more stuff

2009-03-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

but im just going to post one because i gots to go to bed...

yay more

2009-03-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

those guys up there are free commishs for some peoples over at devart.

A VOW

2009-03-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

so im going to be posting on this blog everyday from now on with some art. I'VE MADE A VOW TO DRAW SOMETHING EVERYDAY. SOMETHING. starting now.

yeh been sort of getting graphic designy on myself...

yo leute. ich hab ein blogger.

2009-01-31T13:44:00.000-08:00

boh nein...alles ist auf deutsch...i werde das spaeter veranderen...hab ich das richtig sagen? ...eh...egal...

Just do it

March 8th

Feel Good

FFFFF

Success!!

Baking and photography

Whoops

What a mess

Amazing

Plans!

Sometimes I just want to get away

Oh ow

Packaging design!

YEEEEEEEAHHHHHH

yeh

so sorry

christ

just added a background

fanart because i like it

final piece

these kids

whoops

yeeech

amsterdam

fug dis shet

figure drawing

*sigh*

sorrysorrysorrysorry

oh no

uhh...

well now [edit[

oh no

portraits GALORE

heeeey

WELL CRAP

got more stuff

yay more

A VOW

yo leute. ich hab ein blogger.

sigh